Tuesday, 17 June 2014 @ 4:04 pm
I think I am a pretty patriotic person.
Maybe on a scale of 1 to 10, maybe 7.
Because to me there is no point of having a sense of patriotism if you just keep it in your heart and not do something to benefit the country.
Like if you don't vote, but you say you love your country.
The reason being you don't trust the Government anyway, or everyone is corrupt, either parties or a vote doesn't make any difference.
You just take the coward way out because then you can point fingers to the Government or blame the voters when you didn't have the guts to make a choice.
By not voting, you simply say you don't care who rule the country.
And to say that a vote doesn't make a difference?
If 2 million people think the same, how big of a difference 2 million votes can make?
Most people hate politics but by avoiding it, doesn't make it go away. It just makes you an unwilling participant, forcing you to do things their way when in fact, you could be a willing participant and try make change.
People from the outside probably think ours is a racist country, providing privileges and benefits to certain race only (Malay) and at times, if I put myself in other race's shoes, I would probably think it is unfair.
I am a Malay and I am proud to be one.
Even if people, not only from other races, look down on Malays. Malas. Typical Malay. Janji Melayu. Tak suka tengok bangsa sendiri senang.
I hate that but there is a ring of truth in that.
Despite all the Government's help, subsidies, privileges and benefits given to the race known as Malay, we are still lagging far, far behind. In term of economy and education (although not as bad). We can't possibly say that the way the British separated all 3 races before Independence still has a hold on us.
57 years and we still don't have a firm grip on anything. Politically laughable too.
Anyway, how did the tone of this tone went so negatively?
It's just so sad, really.
And these feelings resurface after attending the compulsory week-long BTN course.
This time round, I get to really understand the foundation of the Federal Constitution, why certain things are in there and at what cost this constitution has on certain people.
I am not a racist and I do not think the special treatment Malays receive are race-based.
It spurred from who the original people are.
It was a pre-requisite, a term that has to be met and agreed by all race in order to achieve Independence.
It wasn't such a big deal to the Chinese and Indians back then because they get full citizenship.
Suddenly it matters now?
If you take away that privileges, should we take away their citizen rights as well?
Because it came hand in hand.
If my memory in history serves me right. Do correct me if I'm wrong.
Does my post sound racist?
I do apologize if it does but definitely not my intention.
Wednesday, 2 April 2014 @ 5:18 pm
Not deliriously happy.
But I can always tell my mood or where I am at my life by the choice of songs I listen to at the office.
Discovered some awesome artists like Andrew Belle, Birdy, Broods, Joshua Radin. And a whole lot more. So inspiring :)
Adyan growing up brings me so much joy. He is such a big boy and yet not too independant, which I love because he really needs his mama. He is so musical, always dancing when there's music, dancing, singing and clapping his hands around me when I strum the guitar. He knows his alphabets already and always shouting them out. Counting to 10.
So manja dgn atok and nenek. Kelakar sangat. Every 20 seconds akan panggil 'Atok', making sure he is nearby. Comel, tapi bila dah berpuluh kali, annoying jugak. Hahaha. Atok depan mata pun masih lagi 'Atokkk', 'Atokkk'. Main game dengan nenek. Oh, how I love spending time with him. Imagine the joy of being a housewife, watching them grow, teaching them life lessons (bahahahahaha), building their personality. Sigh. I wish that ribs and sushi and ice blends dont matter, but it does sometimes. Only money can pay for those things (yes, I only think food matters). And how to travel and see other countries if got no money meh??
I have made my decision which university I'll be going to, after much thinking and contemplating. Hahaha, sapa suh apply banyak uni. Kan dah pening nak pilih yang mana satu. Apply banyak2 sbb takut tak dapat offer, and test market. Hihihi. Alhamdulillah, 9/9 dapat offer. Menyebabkan semangat untuk menimba ilmu tu membuak2. Bahahahaa.
Just finished 6 weeks of QA. Thank god ada kursus ini. Kalau tidak, hamba Allah ni memang tak tahu menahu akan apa yang akan dilakukan time Masters nanti. Dah la otak ni sudah berkarat dan lembap. So memang sesuai sangat dengan insan ini yang telah grad 10 tahun lepas. Apatah lagi grad dalam bidang Bioteknologi and now nak ubah angin ke Sains Sosial. Oh, tak sabarnya nak belajar. Seriously. Been putting this off for far too long. Dan akan ku lanjtkan pelajaran ke PhD sebelum umurku mencecah 40. Nak start buat proposal PhD sekali ni. Bahahaahha. Duk 3 tahun overseas, lama sikit. Kuat berangan. Adeh.
If all goes well, insyaallah by mid September dah fly ke UK. Oh, the food, the music, the weather, the accent, the places to go. Hahaha aku nak belajar ke apa ni?
I have a plan in my head that I have been dwelling on whether or not to do. Kalau ada rezeki, why not? Heeeheee. (plan nakal)
Typing this as I'm eating the Laduree macarons my boss gave me. A huge ass box. Rose, pistachio, caramel, pandan pun ada. Damn it. Nak bagi laki aku ke tak?
*full of macarons crumbs*
Tuesday, 11 March 2014 @ 10:31 am
My bucket list
Everyone has dream places to go to, things they wish they can do, people they wish to marry (John Mayer) for example. hahahaha.
Of course, I have too.
These are a collection of all my-wants; although some maybe unrealistic but never say never, my friend :)
In no particular order:
1) To be surrounded by the amazing, beautiful northern lights (aurora borealis).
This pic was taken by a fish and chips owner in Scotland. I might have a chance if I am able to catch it at the right time since I will be studying in the UK in September. Although most northern lights sightings are in Iceland, Northern Canada and Alaska, but the above pic in Scotland is amazing enough.
There's like small huts with transparent roofs so that you can lay down and being surrounded by the beautiful lights in Finland. I am going to try to make sure we schedule our travel and include northern light sightings.
Duduk kat Malaysia memang tak dapat lah. Oh, been dreaming of being under this amazing sky. So, so beautiful, Masyaallah :)
2) To buy an awesome vinyl player.
Having music as a big part of my life, having a vinyl player would be just awesome. Yeah, I know its the era of free downloads and stuff but nothing beats buying an original album and see the hardwork and appriciate it physically. And again, being in the UK later, will give me the chance to collect vintage and cool music records, especially from second hand record shops. oh oh oh, cant bloody wait.
Like this one. So cool :)
3) To adopt a child.
Okay, this is serious stuff. I have always wanted to adopt a child. People always think its just for those couples who cant have kids but it just saddens me to know there is so many children out there without parents or people to love them. I wish I can help save just one child, I feel like I have done a good deed to last a lifetime. It sounds selfish, to do a good deed to make yourself feel better but everyone wants to play the superhero role, even if it is just a small part in the world. I have talked to my husband about this but I guess he is sceptical about it. Yeah, the religious part is the biggest part, to know what to do to ensure the child is muhrim or not. Nanti susah if bab agama tak ikut.
I wish I can.
4) Jumping off a plane
Para gliding was fun. But jumping off a plane would be just so awesome. I actually was about to buy this ticket to do skydiving and it costs around RM2K. I was about to click, but then Adyan came to mind.
And I didnt have the heart to do it.
If its just me, I probably wont think twice but the thought of Adyan losing me, brings me tears to my eyes. And the fact that maybe I have a lot more to live for.
Bungee jumping first perhaps? :)
Wednesday, 8 January 2014 @ 5:58 pm
Normal birth vs csec
The other day, I was talking to a friend of mine. She is heavily pregnant, almost due, and was afraid of giving birth. So she asked about my experience and my opinion on this matter.
Normal birth vs csec.
I had to go through an emergency csec because of the erratic heartbeat of the baby. I have been having slow, but steady contractions since 10 am to almost 11 pm. But my opening was only 2 cm. But the baby inside dah panick. So had to csec.
To be honest, I was relieved. I had nightmares about giving birth normally. The uncertainty factors; will I be able to push, will I do it right, how hurtfull its going to be, etc etc.
The csec was fast and efficient. 20 mins and I am done.
And still, it doesnt make me less of a mother.
I know, people always say normal birth is the way to go. But seriously, since we women do have the option; I would like to schedule my csec for my second baby. And maybe third, if we decide to have more than 2. Hahahaha
To me, giving birth normally scares the shit out of me. And if I have the option not to be scared shitless, I 'll take it thank you very much. Ada orang cakap, bersalin tu lah anugerah tuhan. Perempuan selagi boleh kena lah try bersalin normal, etc etc.
I am sorry. Kalau teknologi untuk bersunat pun dah berubah dari guna pisau biasa kepada teknik laser bagai supaya lebih selamat, bersih dan kurang menyakitkan, kenapa aku tak boleh pilih csec sebagai pilihan untuk bersalin?
Aik, macam emo pulak aku.
Pokok pangkalnya, aku dah mengandung 9 bulan, dan aku punya hak nak pilih csec walaupun doktor tak suruh dan walaupun sepatutnya aku boleh bersalin normal.
It is my body and it does not make me less of a mother if I chose differently.
Monday, 6 January 2014 @ 1:26 pm
So 2013 have come and gone.
Every year you learn something new; about other people, but mostly about yourself.
In 2013, the biggest lesson is not everyone regard friendship the same. You always thought your friends would know you best; but last year, I have learnt that wasn't the case.
Have you ever met someone that you have only just known but feels like you have known them all your life? I met that person and sometimes I wonder if this is what people meant by soulmate? Its not like we are the same; we say the same things, finish each other's sentence, we think the same things. It is so scary. And yet awesome at the same time :)
I have also learnt not to care much when people comment about the way you raise up your child. In earlier years, I was a bit sensitive and cautious; not knowing if everything you are doing is right. But now, I trust my gut and instinct. Every decision I make is the best for me, my child and our situation. Everyday I cook meals for Adyan; his breakfast and lunch and his snack for tea. I wish I could take care of him myself; I ENVY stay-at-home mums. Time is something that you can never take back. But every morning I would wake up at 6 am to make sure he gets the best nutrition from home. Sometimes I go over the top with his meals but, I want him to love food. Just like me.
I am so much stronger than I ever thought. I am the strongest when I'm angry. Habis satu rumah aku kemas! Anger channeled the right way. Hahahaha
Whats in 2014?
I was hoping to get pregnant again this year, but since I will continuing my studies, it wont be a good idea. Rezeki comes in many ways. Always belief God has better plans for you :)
Every year I would look back and try to look at my shortcomings and just be better than last year.
I hope to wear hijjab better this year.
Like every year, finish the Quran from start to finish.
Always be thankful to God for all that I have been blessed with.
Choose your friends carefully.
Always put work second, behind your family.
Take less selfies.
Just be a good person.
A better one.
Here is to another year of wishful hopes and to never give up on your dreams.
Thursday, 21 November 2013 @ 3:52 pm
I don't think I am a materialistic person.
In no way a person's material stuff is a reflection of a person's status; maybe taste and style but never rate a person's success with material stuff.
For all you know, those who buys expensive stuff or lavish stuff are in deep, deep debt.
For some, maybe they do have a lot of money that they can throw around aimlessly.
I find it really funny when someone who I know don't make much money but talks like they have high taste. Macam kesian. Mengundang untuk dikutuk.
Like, 'Oh, my heels? HAVE to be Monolo's'.
Walhal dia ada satu je, yang lain semua Vincci kut. Hahahaha.
When you put your happiness on things, there will never be enough things.
You would always want more.
If you know me, I would rather spend on my hard earned money with food. I truly enjoy food and loves, loves trying new dishes and restaurants.
I do indulge in lingerie, yes. Because I find them sexy. Haha. So simple put. But since I am a loyal customer of the sometimes slutty La Senza, I only buy them during their huge sales using my membership card, which have more discounts. So I don't feel like I am wasting my money for something I love.
I really wish I can do more of that.
But unfortunately the country that I want to travel are either too far away or too expensive.
I would rather spend my money on travelling than a designer handbag or expensive car.
But sometimes life just gets in the way; routine, family, work, responsibilities. And I so, so, sooooo hate the currency difference. Pppfffftttttt.
Whats the use of having money, work for money if its only to pay bills?
Life shouldn't be like that.
If you do more work than play, I'd say your life is pretty messed up.
Unless your work IS play; then I hate you!!!!
Foot note: Pekerjaan yg saya paling envy adalah travelling host. What the hell? Having holidays as a job??? Demmmmmm
Friday, 20 September 2013 @ 12:16 pm
You have no idea how surreal it is to be able to go out, well late into the night without having your child with you (unless, you're a parent too!!).
You feel like you deserve it but rasa guilty juga.
And alang-alang dah keluar tu, kena lah enjoy betul-betul sebab peluang tu sukar nak dapat.
Tapi mana boleh.
Akan terfikir jugak.
Anyway, yeah. Had a great time at the Good Vibes Festival.
Great group of bands and musicians.
Love the buzz of being in the midst of good music and that night the weather was just nice.
Cool and not humid.
I love the simple setting.
Need more food stalls though.
And drinks too but good variety of gourmet foods.
None of those sloppy, cheap burgers yang dijual pada harga yang tak masuk akal.
Nice, gourmet food.
Discovered Modest Mouse. Pretty good.
Had an awesome time.
But at the end of the night, already missing my Adyan.
That little bundle of joy.