Saturday, 5 February 2011 @ 11:13 PM
*7*weeks*6*days*
That was how old OTO (our tiny one) was when I miscarried.
:(
Tonight was the 1st time I put on make up, dressed up and go out of the house since THAT day: 30.1.2011, just a day after my 29th bday. Its so ironic that I was celebrating another year of my life the day before but to lose a life the next :(
In actual fact, I only knew I was pregnant for 10 days, although the hoping part (praying that your period wont come) went for 2 weeks beforehand. In those 10 days, we had so much hope, planning and dreaming of all the possibilities. Reading as much info on pregnancy in between meetings and even in meetings, fantasizing on what is going to happen in the next few months. Preparing for the birth of OTO.
Those 10 days I get to feel pregnant, have the label of mommy-to-be.
But I guess its God's will for me not to have a baby just yet. Maybe I didnt slow down enough; I kept working the way I did and doing house chores as usual. But then, maybe if your on the women's national wrestling team or trying to break the worlds record for jumping jacks, if its God's will to still have you pregnant, than you would. All I know is that I'm walking away from this being more cautious for our next OTO, next time round, Insya Allah.
As much as it hurts, as much as it crushed my heart, I will look at this in a positive light.Its just not meant to be. Its not my time yet.
Goodbye OTO. Thanks for making me happy in those precious 10 days that I know you were inside me. I'm sorry I couldnt take better care of you.
I will keep your picture that the hospital scanned just a day before you went away.
*sob*
tis' the way