Now, some people may think what I'm a bout to write here is a bit shallow and superficial, but I feel like its something that I would like to share. Sometimes we'd like to think that we are intelligent enough to know that physical appearance are just skin deep and does not define who you are, but hey, we all have different levels of insecurities when it comes to our looks. Its not because we dont appreciate God's gift; its because we're only human.
All my life, my physical appearance has been defined as 'kecik, putih, comel/lawa'. I am not praising myself here. I know growing up, I can make a guy's head turn for a second look and I always have guys wanting me. Please, I am not trying to be obnoxious but this will lead to why I feel like I need to post this.
So I know that I am attractive. I am confident. Although my confidence actually comes from inside meaning personality-wise, I'm at ease with myself. But of course, your looks is what people see and judge first. Guys want to know me BECAUSE of my looks. Of course, once they gotten to know me, they would love me even MORE. Hahahahaha. Apakah motif post ini sebenarnya?
Motifnya: Even when I gotten myself married, guys still look at me the same way; strangers laaa. Orang yang dah tau aku dah kawen tak la. Because even when I'm married, orang tak tau lah aku dah kawen, so still head turns. And I am so used to it. I have received that kind of attention from guys dari zaman awal remaja.
Now that I'm pregnant, the attention dissapears. Suddenly, because of the bulging tummy, I am not someone worth of second glance, and I dont make head turns anymore. I am not sad and I dont grieve the loss of attention, but I havent gotten used to it. Believe me, I wouldnt trade my pregnancy for ANYTHING, but I guess when you have been defined by your looks all your life, you feel like you have lost your touch. Yeah, yeah, it sounds completely silly but thats what I'm feeling right now. I am proud to be married and happy that I'm pregnant, but being 'invisible' need some getting used to.
I feel like I havent changed, but people are looking at me differently. hehehe
Silly right?